In Eustace's Shoes

This is a post from a couple of years ago. Lately, I have been feeling the same way and decided to post in on my blog. Here it is:


For a long time now I have been thinking about my relationship with God. I have believed that ever since I asked Jesus into my heart that I have had a relationship with Him, but now that I am in college, I feel lost and confused. The daily grind of college life has gotten to me and I feel that the devil has grabbed a hold of my heart. In my heart he has sown his evil fruits (basically the opposite of the fruits of the Spirit) and the thorns and weeds of which have spread throughout the veins of my body. When I think about this, I think about the parable of the sower that Jesus told: 

"That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. He who has ears, let him hear."

The disciples came to him and asked, "Why do you speak to the people in parables?"

He replied, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. This is why I speak to them in parables: "Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand. In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.' But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.

Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

In a way I feel like all three of the seeds that fell on bad soil. Sometimes I feel each of them separately but lately I feel like a combination of all of them. The only way that I can think of to get rid of this is to have a "farmer" come and pull the weeds from deep inside and chop down the thorns that choke the life in me. 

Another example that I turn to is from "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" by C.S. Lewis. In the novel, there is a boy named Eustace who finds a cave full of treasure and he begins to stuff his pockets full of the plunder. As he rests that night, a spell falls over Eustace and he starts to change until he finally realizes that he has changed into a dragon himself. Due to his transformation, Eustace loses all of his friends because they start to believe that he is something that he is not. Eustace longs to be with his friends again and to be rid of this condition, so he cries out to Aslan. Aslan tells Eustace that changing back into a boy will be a painful process and so Eustace decides to go along with the procedure. For Eustace to change back, Aslan has to use his claws to tear away the dragon skin and expose the boy. This greatly hurts Eustace, but in the end he is back to his original form, but Eustace is truly changed and begins to believe in Aslan.

So what do I take away from this? 
I need to be more honest with people. I need to develop a better relationship with the people around me and more importantly God. I need to start sowing the fruits of the Spirit. I know this isn't an easy process. Nothing worth doing is easy. But I am prepared to do it. That's why I have written this. Its a contract to myself. Something that is real and I can come back to. Its a step forward.